Finally, they found a place to live permanently. Or so they thought. Then their world again fell apart, through no fault of their own, and they found themselves looking for a new home. But this time it was different. You see, this young man is my son. And about a year ago, we reconciled all of our collective differences and he became one of my best friends. In the midst of their deteriorating housing situation, they would come over a few times each week. My wife and I encouraged my son to find a new job, and he did. All he needed was one small victory to see his own potential. They moved into our house, short term, at the beginning of December. For the first time in years, we had an excited 4-year-old in the house on Christmas morning. In truth, we had really only seen her about a dozen times over the first three years of her life, so it was a joyful time in our home. Since we both work from home, my son and I spent our days sitting across the dining room table from each other, working on our respective laptops.

They found a home in South Carolina and just recently relocated. Honestly, it’s left a bit of hole in our world because we’d grown accustomed to our granddaughter talking up a storm at 7:30 every morning over chocolate chip pancakes. I miss seeing my son across the table from me, but I know God has a plan. The entire time they lived under our roof, we did our best to show the love of Christ, in spite of all of the past battles.

On the final Sunday that our extended family lived with us, they came to church. They’d been coming regularly, but we were still always a bit shocked to get a “Yes” to our weekly invitation to join us. We drove separately to church that morning, because the kids had to say a few “Goodbyes” to other family members before heading north for the foreseeable future. On the way to church, his wife began feeling sick. The closer we got to church, the worse the nausea got. We were unaware of what was happening in the car behind us, but when we arrived in the parking lot of the church, my son ran over and nearly collapsed in my arms, sobbing.

“I didn’t know what to do”, he said between sobs, “so I put my hand on her back and asked God to take the sickness away”. Then he whispered into my ear, so as not to be heard by his wife, “She just got out of the car and said, ‘I beat it’, but I know it was God.” Now running late for service, we walked quickly into the building and found a place to sit. As we stood for worship, my son and his wife both sat in their seats. My son was crying. His wife leaned into him and said, “For the first time in a long time, I feel hope.” As our pastor brought the message, which happened to be the beginning of a month-long series, the final Scripture was displayed on the screen…

“They will be able to place their hands on the sick, and they will be healed” –Mark 16:18b NLT

I casually threw an elbow into my son, and he looked up and smiled. It was that day that my son rededicated himself to Jesus. He had indeed come home. Sitting right beside him, his wife handed the Lordship of her life over to Christ. And that afternoon, instead of watching cartoons, all three of them sat on the couch and watched VeggieTales videos (on VHS tape, old school style).

My son even went to my Tuesday night small group. On the way through the door, I cautioned him that they may ask him to talk and I assured him that I would “deflect and absorb” so that he didn’t need to speak. “I’ll talk about everything”, he commented. And believe me, he did. As he recounted every detail, he concluded with a statement that I will never forget. “You know”, he said, “I’ve done a lot of people dirty. I’ve done horrible things to people and abandoned them without warning. I would get tired of rules, and just move on to the next house, starting with his.” He pointed at me as he brought his story to a close, “And the one I treated the worst is the only one who was willing to welcome me back. It didn’t matter what I had done, they just let us move in. My Dad showed me who God really is by forgiving me and opening the house up to my family.”

Know this. Prodigal children do come home, so get that robe and ring ready. Our job is to love them until they do. And when they do, no words need to be spoken. Just love them. God will handle the rest, because He wants them back more than we do. He loves them more than we can.

I guess you could say that both God and I got our son back. And all praise goes to our mighty God.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

— 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

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It’s the mid-1980’s, and Andrew has just been fired from his long time career—- as an attorney, of all things.  Up until a few days ago, Beckett was a key player at a large conservative Philadelphia law firm.  He was the rising star.  The starting QB.  He was the guy whose number got called for the big cases.  And he was fired.

You may recognize this story line as the one from the movie “Philadelphia”, which stars Tom Hanks as Beckett and Denzel Washington as his not-so-polished attorney.  Beckett was indeed fired, and it was cited by his firm that it was performance based.  But it was, in fact, due to the young man’s diagnosis with the then-relatively-unknown disease called AIDS.  His firm wanted nothing to do with Andrew’s lifestyle or his illness, so they released him as quickly as possible.

So now Beckett is in Miller’s office, with zero options.  As they meet and exchange pleasantries, it appears to be the convergence of two legal minds.  Beckett gives Miller the backstory, and then discloses the real reason for his sudden termination from the firm.  Miller, visibly shaken at the word ‘AIDS’, states “Sorry, but I just don’t see a case, counselor”.  Miller is pretty quick to get Beckett out of his office and so calls an end to the meeting.

And what does Miller do the minute that Andrew Beckett is gone?  He sanitizes his whole office…the stapler, the chair and anything else that the sick man has touched.  Then he gets on the phone for an immediate doctor’s appointment to confirm that he too has not been infected with AIDS.  It’s really sort of comical, considering that we now know that HIV can’t be transmitted through a Swingline.

Let’s take the same scenario, and move it into our community of men, both in and out of the church.  Not the AIDS part, but Miller’s reaction to it.  We get together with other men, we sharpen each other and we pray for eachother.  At church, we greet men and we really want them to be a part of what God is doing.

However, the minute a man in our group says that he is battling pornography, is having an affair, lost his job or is in the throes of an unrecoverable marital flatspin, something happens to us.   We often back away, as if there is some way that we are going to catch it.  Just like Joe Miller’s fear of contracting AIDS from a doorknob, we pull back, sanitize ourselves and often go “superficial” on the man.  At the very moment when he needs us the most, we freak out and bail on him.

You know, Jesus made a point of hanging out with the people that you and I would be the most likely to run from.  Lepers, sick people, losers, rejects…and He loved them.  In Mark 2, Jesus said that it wasn’t the healthy who needed the doctor, but the sick.  He stopped dead in his tracks when the bleeding woman touched the hem of his garment, even though He was busy and on His way somewhere else. He healed blind guys, lepers and paralytics.  And in John 8, Jesus didn’t condemn the adulteress, even when the whole town wanted to stone her to death.  It didn’t matter if the person was physically ill, or just a societal trainwreck, Jesus cared about them.

So the next time a close friend tells you that his wife is leaving, don’t chase the guy out of your office.  Divorce isn’t contagious, addiction can’t be spread by a handshake and I promise that he won’t sneeze his cancer all over you.  Get in the game, love like Jesus and walk these guys through their pain.

Remember: “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” (Matthew 25:40)

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David Dusek is founder and director of Rough Cut Men Ministries and author of Rough Cut Men: A Man’s Battle Guide to Building Real Relationships With Each Other and With Jesus. Rough Cut Men has been presented to NASCAR teams, at West Point and the U.S. Naval Academy, at military bases around the world and at hundreds of churches and men’s conferences of every denomination. To find out more about the Rough Cut Men, or to book David for an upcoming men’s event, please check out roughcutmen.com. 

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