There are two verses in the Bible that God has had me dwelling on lately:

“Anyone who listens to the Word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.”  — James 1:23-24

As a parachurch minister and full-time author/speaker, I’ve been stripped down to nothing. Every event we had scheduled through May has canceled, and June may be yet another series of cancellations. Our finances hang in the balance. My weekly routine of hopping on and off of planes to speak to a group of men has been replaced by staying home. My once-longed-for desire of just pulling the plug and sitting in front of the TV has been replaced by being absolutely tired of TV. And as this has happened, I have come to the harsh reality that I’ve looked into a mirror many times over the past decade, only to immediately forget what I look like.

But now it’s not just a single mirror that I can simply turn away from. With every distraction, and even my very occupation, being  temporarily removed, I feel like I’m standing in a veritable Fun House full of mirrors. And no matter where I turn, there’s another mirror in front of me. Just like that Fun House, every mirror casts a different reflection – a radically distorted reflection of who God truly wants me to be.

My “Husband Mirror” zooms into me close up, revealing that I’ve spent way too much time being “Me” centered. I always talk about my day and rarely ask about hers.

The “Spending Time with Family Mirror” casts a skinny reflection, showing me that I don’t spend enough time with them.

The “Tithing Mirror” distorts me so that I look fat, clearly reflecting that I’ve been storing up instead of sowing. The unfounded fear of lack has caused me to keep it all for myself. I’ve grown bloated from withholding what really belongs to God.

My “Fatherhood Mirror” sometimes just makes me disappear completely, as I’ve focused on work and ministry year after year after year.

My “Time with God Mirror” makes me look short. Just like the time I spend with Him.

Everywhere I turn, God is revealing something that I’ve been doing my way, and now, no matter which direction I turn, He shows me something else. I can no longer turn and walk away from one mirror and forget, because there’s always yet another mirror in front of me.

And one by one, in the midst of seemingly having nothing left, He is revealing that I already have everything. We all do.

So much good is coming out of this season:

I’m spending more quality face-to-face time with my wife, and I’m listening more than I’m speaking. Or at least I’m a work in progress with that one.

I’m now more connected with my kids than I have been in years, because I’m intentional about reaching out to them. Nothing is competing for my time.

In spite of not knowing what our financial future holds, and facing a monumental shift in our day-to-day life as a ministry, I’ve rededicated myself to being an obedient and joyful tither because God says: “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.” – Malachi 3:10 NIV

With the gym closed, and no urgent email replies needed, I’ve again put my quiet time with God in first position. And not just a verse or two, but dedicated time to study His Word, meditate on it, and devoted prayer time.

I’ve made a solemn commitment to not carry my old habits back into my life after this momentary time of introspection. I’m pressing into the King of kings, and I’m leaving the results up to Him. I’m going to emerge from this season with only a single mirror, and I won’t forget what I look like ever again.

What about you? What is God showing you in this time of mandatory rest and solitude?

“Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ” – Philippians 1:6 NKJV

David Dusek is founder and director of Rough Cut Men Ministries, author of  the #1 Best Selling “Rough Cut Men: A Man’s Battle Guide to Building Real Relationships With Each Other and With Jesus” and creator of the “Who Has Your Six” Men’s Ministry Video Series. Rough Cut Men has been presented to NASCAR teams, at West Point and the U.S. Naval Academy, at military bases around the world and at hundreds of churches and men’s conferences of every denomination around the world. To find out more about the Rough Cut Men, or to book David for an upcoming men’s event, head over to our website and Contact Us.

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Finally, they found a place to live permanently. Or so they thought. Then their world again fell apart, through no fault of their own, and they found themselves looking for a new home. But this time it was different. You see, this young man is my son. And about a year ago, we reconciled all of our collective differences and he became one of my best friends. In the midst of their deteriorating housing situation, they would come over a few times each week. My wife and I encouraged my son to find a new job, and he did. All he needed was one small victory to see his own potential. They moved into our house, short term, at the beginning of December. For the first time in years, we had an excited 4-year-old in the house on Christmas morning. In truth, we had really only seen her about a dozen times over the first three years of her life, so it was a joyful time in our home. Since we both work from home, my son and I spent our days sitting across the dining room table from each other, working on our respective laptops.

They found a home in South Carolina and just recently relocated. Honestly, it’s left a bit of hole in our world because we’d grown accustomed to our granddaughter talking up a storm at 7:30 every morning over chocolate chip pancakes. I miss seeing my son across the table from me, but I know God has a plan. The entire time they lived under our roof, we did our best to show the love of Christ, in spite of all of the past battles.

On the final Sunday that our extended family lived with us, they came to church. They’d been coming regularly, but we were still always a bit shocked to get a “Yes” to our weekly invitation to join us. We drove separately to church that morning, because the kids had to say a few “Goodbyes” to other family members before heading north for the foreseeable future. On the way to church, his wife began feeling sick. The closer we got to church, the worse the nausea got. We were unaware of what was happening in the car behind us, but when we arrived in the parking lot of the church, my son ran over and nearly collapsed in my arms, sobbing.

“I didn’t know what to do”, he said between sobs, “so I put my hand on her back and asked God to take the sickness away”. Then he whispered into my ear, so as not to be heard by his wife, “She just got out of the car and said, ‘I beat it’, but I know it was God.” Now running late for service, we walked quickly into the building and found a place to sit. As we stood for worship, my son and his wife both sat in their seats. My son was crying. His wife leaned into him and said, “For the first time in a long time, I feel hope.” As our pastor brought the message, which happened to be the beginning of a month-long series, the final Scripture was displayed on the screen…

“They will be able to place their hands on the sick, and they will be healed” –Mark 16:18b NLT

I casually threw an elbow into my son, and he looked up and smiled. It was that day that my son rededicated himself to Jesus. He had indeed come home. Sitting right beside him, his wife handed the Lordship of her life over to Christ. And that afternoon, instead of watching cartoons, all three of them sat on the couch and watched VeggieTales videos (on VHS tape, old school style).

My son even went to my Tuesday night small group. On the way through the door, I cautioned him that they may ask him to talk and I assured him that I would “deflect and absorb” so that he didn’t need to speak. “I’ll talk about everything”, he commented. And believe me, he did. As he recounted every detail, he concluded with a statement that I will never forget. “You know”, he said, “I’ve done a lot of people dirty. I’ve done horrible things to people and abandoned them without warning. I would get tired of rules, and just move on to the next house, starting with his.” He pointed at me as he brought his story to a close, “And the one I treated the worst is the only one who was willing to welcome me back. It didn’t matter what I had done, they just let us move in. My Dad showed me who God really is by forgiving me and opening the house up to my family.”

Know this. Prodigal children do come home, so get that robe and ring ready. Our job is to love them until they do. And when they do, no words need to be spoken. Just love them. God will handle the rest, because He wants them back more than we do. He loves them more than we can.

I guess you could say that both God and I got our son back. And all praise goes to our mighty God.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

— 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

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My latest round of dysfunction reminds me of a scene from Jerry Maguire, that Tom Cruise movie about the professional sports agent who makes a living recruiting top college prospects into the big time.  There’s this one quarterback kid, Frank Cushman, who’s being recruited by every NFL team and every agent, and Jerry has him on the hook.  The only challenge is that the prospect’s father, played by Beau Bridges, won’t sign a contract for representation. But he does say “My word is my bond” and, “I don’t sign contracts, but what you do have is my whole word, and it’s stronger than oak”.  Maguire and Cushman’s dad seal the deal with a handshake.

Even if you haven’t seen Jerry Maguire, you can probably guess what happens.  Another agent, Bob Sugar, comes in and steals the contract from Jerry and even gets it in writing.  It’s NFL signing day, and Sugar has just stolen Maguire’s biggest client.  Jerry confronts the quarterback’s father saying, “I’m still sort of moved by your ‘stronger than oak’ thing”.  But no deal.  Jerry’s out and Sugar’s in.

“My word is stronger than oak”.  Man, an oak is a big tree. And it’s wood is incredibly dense and strong.  They make wine barrels, floors and even Viking ships out of it, for crying out loud.  So to see something that strong compromised would take a lot of force.  Unless it wasn’t made of oak in the first place…

So here’s what I’m trying to get at:      Keep.  Your.  Word.

• If you say you’re going to do something, do it.

• If you commit to following through with a task, do it. On time.

• If you make a commitment to faithfully love your wife until death, do it.

• If you tell your kid that you’ll be at his game, recital or practice, be there.

• If you set an appointment to call or meet, keep it.

• If you screw something up, relationally or even physically, own it.

• If you have to re-schedule, do it in advance, not as an apology after the fact.

This isn’t just because being a man of integrity requires the aforementioned, but keep in mind that other people (aka- your sons, daughters, co-workers, etc.) are going to follow your lead.  If it’s okay for us, then it’s okay for them.

I’m so tired of living in a society where making excuses and shifting the blame to someone else has become the new “normal”.  The root word of “commitment” is “commit”, and I didn’t even need a Greek or Hebrew translation to see it.  When we commit, it’s a covenant to follow though.  It’s non-negotiable and irrevocable.

As a Christian man, I am committed to living as if you could build a ship out of my word.  It won’t sink if you rely on it. It won’t even leak.

I may fail at a lot of Godly man tests, but my word IS stronger than Oak.

How about yours?

Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the LORD your God with your own mouth.—Deuteronomy 23:23

David Dusek is founder and director of Rough Cut Men Ministries and author of Rough Cut Men: A Man’s Battle Guide to Building Real Relationships With Each Other and With Jesus. Rough Cut Men has been presented to NASCAR teams, at West Point and the U.S. Naval Academy, at military bases around the world and at hundreds of churches and men’s conferences of every denomination. To find out more about the Rough Cut Men, or to book David for an upcoming men’s event, please check out roughcutmen.com.

Photo Credit:  Jerry MaGuire/ Tri-Star Pictures

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Dear Kids:

We don’t talk much anymore, and I’m really not sure how that happened.  When I think back on times when you were small, it brings a smile, often accompanied by painful tears.  How I miss those times when I was your hero and you were my little prince and princess.  Your giggle, the way you said “Daddy” when I walked through the door after work, or how you would run at me, on the edge of out of control, just to show me something you had drawn or built. I was your “Superman”.  I was “Daddy”.

Then I became just “Dad”.  Maybe I worked too much at the office, or didn’t engage you enough when we were in the same room?  Was it the relational meltdown between your mother and me?  Or the time we spent apart after the divorce, when I became a long-distance, part-time father and so many things were said about me?  Was it your new stepmom?  You know, she loves you like you are her own, even when it isn’t reciprocal.

Or maybe it was meeting Jesus as I slowly lost you at the same time?  As He changed me into the man that I needed to be, I tried to bring you with me on the journey.  But your memories of the “old me” and your “old life” overpowered the transformation, as you wondered what happened to your father.

Whatever the reason, the chasm between us quickly grew wide and nearly impossible to jump over.  And then you moved away.

Now I’m a stranger.  I’m the guy you only call when something breaks, or when your life isn’t going as planned.  It hurts to know that we’re like this now.  But every time you call, I still hear “Daddy” reverberating in my mind, and I do what I can to somehow regain that “S” that I used to wear on my chest.  And then you’re gone again.

They say there are always two people involved in every relationship, and I realize that I’m only half of “us”.  But let me say this:

I’m sorry for those times when I wasn’t there when you needed me to be.

I’m sorry that you had to endure the pain of loss in your life at such a young age.

I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you how proud I was of you as a person, no matter what you did or didn’t do.

I’m sorry if my actions and my words were miles apart sometimes, and when we ourselves were miles apart geographically, too.

I’m sorry I didn’t meet Jesus before you were born, because I would have been a much better father.

Please forgive me for any hurt that I caused you.

And know this:  I love you very much.  You’re my children and nothing will ever change that.  I don’t expect you to understand this until you have kids of your own.  The unconditional love a father feels for his sons and daughters is like nothing else in the world.  There is no favoritism, there’s no way to downgrade it and there’s no way to lose it.

No matter what you do or say, regardless of success or failure,  I am and always will be proud of you.  Nothing you can do will ever cause me to “unlove” you.

I hope that I can really be a part of your life again someday.  I pray that we can again all be together for the holidays. No anger, no hurt, no bitterness. Just love.

And,  just like yesterday and all the days before that, I’ll be here, waiting for God to push the Holy “Reset” button.  I hope to see you soon.

Love,
Daddy

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David Dusek is founder and director of Rough Cut Men Ministries and author of Rough Cut Men: A Man’s Battle Guide to Building Real Relationships With Each Other and With Jesus. Rough Cut Men has been presented to NASCAR teams, at West Point and the U.S. Naval Academy, at military bases around the world and at hundreds of churches and men’s conferences of every denomination. To find out more about the Rough Cut Men, or to book David for an upcoming men’s event, please check out roughcutmen.com. 

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