There are two verses in the Bible that God has had me dwelling on lately:

“Anyone who listens to the Word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.”  — James 1:23-24

As a parachurch minister and full-time author/speaker, I’ve been stripped down to nothing. Every event we had scheduled through May has canceled, and June may be yet another series of cancellations. Our finances hang in the balance. My weekly routine of hopping on and off of planes to speak to a group of men has been replaced by staying home. My once-longed-for desire of just pulling the plug and sitting in front of the TV has been replaced by being absolutely tired of TV. And as this has happened, I have come to the harsh reality that I’ve looked into a mirror many times over the past decade, only to immediately forget what I look like.

But now it’s not just a single mirror that I can simply turn away from. With every distraction, and even my very occupation, being  temporarily removed, I feel like I’m standing in a veritable Fun House full of mirrors. And no matter where I turn, there’s another mirror in front of me. Just like that Fun House, every mirror casts a different reflection – a radically distorted reflection of who God truly wants me to be.

My “Husband Mirror” zooms into me close up, revealing that I’ve spent way too much time being “Me” centered. I always talk about my day and rarely ask about hers.

The “Spending Time with Family Mirror” casts a skinny reflection, showing me that I don’t spend enough time with them.

The “Tithing Mirror” distorts me so that I look fat, clearly reflecting that I’ve been storing up instead of sowing. The unfounded fear of lack has caused me to keep it all for myself. I’ve grown bloated from withholding what really belongs to God.

My “Fatherhood Mirror” sometimes just makes me disappear completely, as I’ve focused on work and ministry year after year after year.

My “Time with God Mirror” makes me look short. Just like the time I spend with Him.

Everywhere I turn, God is revealing something that I’ve been doing my way, and now, no matter which direction I turn, He shows me something else. I can no longer turn and walk away from one mirror and forget, because there’s always yet another mirror in front of me.

And one by one, in the midst of seemingly having nothing left, He is revealing that I already have everything. We all do.

So much good is coming out of this season:

I’m spending more quality face-to-face time with my wife, and I’m listening more than I’m speaking. Or at least I’m a work in progress with that one.

I’m now more connected with my kids than I have been in years, because I’m intentional about reaching out to them. Nothing is competing for my time.

In spite of not knowing what our financial future holds, and facing a monumental shift in our day-to-day life as a ministry, I’ve rededicated myself to being an obedient and joyful tither because God says: “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.” – Malachi 3:10 NIV

With the gym closed, and no urgent email replies needed, I’ve again put my quiet time with God in first position. And not just a verse or two, but dedicated time to study His Word, meditate on it, and devoted prayer time.

I’ve made a solemn commitment to not carry my old habits back into my life after this momentary time of introspection. I’m pressing into the King of kings, and I’m leaving the results up to Him. I’m going to emerge from this season with only a single mirror, and I won’t forget what I look like ever again.

What about you? What is God showing you in this time of mandatory rest and solitude?

“Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ” – Philippians 1:6 NKJV

David Dusek is founder and director of Rough Cut Men Ministries, author of  the #1 Best Selling “Rough Cut Men: A Man’s Battle Guide to Building Real Relationships With Each Other and With Jesus” and creator of the “Who Has Your Six” Men’s Ministry Video Series. Rough Cut Men has been presented to NASCAR teams, at West Point and the U.S. Naval Academy, at military bases around the world and at hundreds of churches and men’s conferences of every denomination around the world. To find out more about the Rough Cut Men, or to book David for an upcoming men’s event, head over to our website and Contact Us.

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My latest round of dysfunction reminds me of a scene from Jerry Maguire, that Tom Cruise movie about the professional sports agent who makes a living recruiting top college prospects into the big time.  There’s this one quarterback kid, Frank Cushman, who’s being recruited by every NFL team and every agent, and Jerry has him on the hook.  The only challenge is that the prospect’s father, played by Beau Bridges, won’t sign a contract for representation. But he does say “My word is my bond” and, “I don’t sign contracts, but what you do have is my whole word, and it’s stronger than oak”.  Maguire and Cushman’s dad seal the deal with a handshake.

Even if you haven’t seen Jerry Maguire, you can probably guess what happens.  Another agent, Bob Sugar, comes in and steals the contract from Jerry and even gets it in writing.  It’s NFL signing day, and Sugar has just stolen Maguire’s biggest client.  Jerry confronts the quarterback’s father saying, “I’m still sort of moved by your ‘stronger than oak’ thing”.  But no deal.  Jerry’s out and Sugar’s in.

“My word is stronger than oak”.  Man, an oak is a big tree. And it’s wood is incredibly dense and strong.  They make wine barrels, floors and even Viking ships out of it, for crying out loud.  So to see something that strong compromised would take a lot of force.  Unless it wasn’t made of oak in the first place…

So here’s what I’m trying to get at:      Keep.  Your.  Word.

• If you say you’re going to do something, do it.

• If you commit to following through with a task, do it. On time.

• If you make a commitment to faithfully love your wife until death, do it.

• If you tell your kid that you’ll be at his game, recital or practice, be there.

• If you set an appointment to call or meet, keep it.

• If you screw something up, relationally or even physically, own it.

• If you have to re-schedule, do it in advance, not as an apology after the fact.

This isn’t just because being a man of integrity requires the aforementioned, but keep in mind that other people (aka- your sons, daughters, co-workers, etc.) are going to follow your lead.  If it’s okay for us, then it’s okay for them.

I’m so tired of living in a society where making excuses and shifting the blame to someone else has become the new “normal”.  The root word of “commitment” is “commit”, and I didn’t even need a Greek or Hebrew translation to see it.  When we commit, it’s a covenant to follow though.  It’s non-negotiable and irrevocable.

As a Christian man, I am committed to living as if you could build a ship out of my word.  It won’t sink if you rely on it. It won’t even leak.

I may fail at a lot of Godly man tests, but my word IS stronger than Oak.

How about yours?

Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the LORD your God with your own mouth.—Deuteronomy 23:23

David Dusek is founder and director of Rough Cut Men Ministries and author of Rough Cut Men: A Man’s Battle Guide to Building Real Relationships With Each Other and With Jesus. Rough Cut Men has been presented to NASCAR teams, at West Point and the U.S. Naval Academy, at military bases around the world and at hundreds of churches and men’s conferences of every denomination. To find out more about the Rough Cut Men, or to book David for an upcoming men’s event, please check out roughcutmen.com.

Photo Credit:  Jerry MaGuire/ Tri-Star Pictures

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You can’t blame the egg for breaking, since it has a paper thin shell that isn’t designed to be dropped.  It doesn’t make much sense to yell at your car when it sputters to a stall because you forgot to stop and put gas in it.  And I don’t need to explain the whole “big pansy” cause-and-effect, do I?

So why is it that I keep hearing men whining about marriages, jobs and mortgages, but simultaneously verbalizing exactly zero responsibility?  I hear a bunch of hapless and helpless victims.  If we are who we say we are, it’s time to stop playing the victim and it’s time to start seeing how we may have contributed to our own disaster.

How about a little rundown of some real-life examples?

“None of my friends like me, so I just avoid hanging with the jerks”— Really?  If every one of them doesn’t like you, and you are always one half of the equation, then maybe it’s time to take a good look at the common denominator in all of those relationships.  When we keep getting bad reviews, we need to look in the mirror. It ain’t them.  It’s us.

“I keep praying for God to change my wife”— Come on, man.  Have you ever taken a hard look at 1 Peter 3:7?  God isn’t interested in our prayers to change the other person.  His desire is the change US into the image of His Son.

“I keep praying for provision, but God isn’t listening”— Since when did we become God?  Were we there when He laid the foundations of the earth?  It’s not common reading, but take ten minutes and read Job 38.  Then pray, wait and do your part as He opens doors.  But for the love of Pete (who the heck is “Pete”, anyway?), quit whining about God not listening.

“I can’t find a job. No one ever calls me. These companies suck.”— Ever been hunting?  You stalk the prey and kill it.  The deer is NOT going to walk into your living room and say, “Man, I’ve been looking for you.  Please shoot me.”  That’s why it’s called “job hunting”.  It’s not the fault of the businesses for not calling.  Be relentless.  Go out and kill the job.  Call them back until they are sick of hearing your voice on the other end of the phone.  God will provide.

You want one from the Bible?  Try on King Saul in 1 Samuel 15.  After God specifically tells Saul to go kill ALL of the Amalekites (men, women, kids, hamsters, etc.), he decides to keep some of the best animals.  Samuel, the prophet, shows up and asks Saul why he didn’t follow God’s command.  Saul’s answer? He blames the soldiers he was with.  He owns precisely none of it, in spite of being the king over everyone.

We are only responsible for us, not the other guy.  They may or may not be a contributor to our current state of affairs, but blaming them, while accepting no personal responsibility ourselves, is just ridiculous.  It’s high time we took our eyes off of the other guy and started focusing on ourselves.  And on God.

Friends don’t like you?:  “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)

Wish you had a better marriage?:  “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)

Playing a good church game, but things going wrong?:  “Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD?” (1 Samuel 15:22)

Think God doesn’t care?  Read 1 Peter 5:7, Luke 12:7 and John 3:16.

Bottom line?  Quit whining about the other guy.  It’s not always the other person’s fault.  We can only control how we respond.  You weren’t dealt a bad hand, and not everyone is out to get you.

You are a soldier and a son of the Most High God…start acting like one…

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David Dusek is founder and director of Rough Cut Men Ministries and author of Rough Cut Men: A Man’s Battle Guide to Building Real Relationships With Each Other and With Jesus. Rough Cut Men has been presented to NASCAR teams, at West Point and the U.S. Naval Academy, at military bases around the world and at hundreds of churches and men’s conferences of every denomination. To find out more about the Rough Cut Men, or to book David for an upcoming men’s event, please check out roughcutmen.com. 

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